The thing is, I’m trying to distract myself from Lionel. I need something other than him to think about when I touch myself. But his moves were so masterful, its hard not to got there, to that memory, which is now nothing more than fantasy.
I’ve reached my tolerance limit with Lionel and don’t want him “in” my bedroom any more.
New imagery to bring me to climax, new juice. I had thought that you might quench my thirst.
This is my account of you and I over the last few months.
Mid July – I drove home from the east coast determined to break the Lionel spell, determined to take a lover, which I hadn’t done in a LONG time.
One Week Later – I found him, Mr California, AKA Cristoph. He was only in town for a week, which made him more appealing. That, and other circumstances told me he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. Perfect. I’d met him a few times before. Conversation was easy. He was hitting on me and I rolled with it, determined to break The Fucking Lionel Spell.
We had sex for days. He was a good lover, with one glaring flaw.
….. Sure, he’d heard of the Clit, but he had no idea where it was.
I met your friend (Zane, was it?) about five minutes after one of these romps. I remember being a bit self conscious, not wanting to give him the wrong vibe, since I was quite literally, oozing with sex.
A Few Days Later – Zane introduced you and I at the health food store. My impression was that you weren’t interested meeting me (not a sexual thing, just that you didn’t seem interested in meeting me in general)
A Few Weeks Later – Mid August
At the brewery you said “Kess!!!”, as if we were old friends. I said “Hey!” back, and rolled with the big hug you gave me, and the friendly conversation.
I had no idea who you were.
I went to watch the band from the side so I could smoke and listen. You walked over, making eye contact, smiling and wanting some of my spliff. Cool.
We hung out, talking for quite awhile. I was super tired from drinking beer all day, but I eventually figured out who you were and how I knew you.
You suggested I come see your place. Your growing operation.
It seemed you were hitting on me, which made me a little nervous, not only because Mr California was coming back in a few weeks. But, because I thought ‘I could fuck this guy’.
This is highly unusual for me. In my eyes, 99.9% of all men are un-fuckable.
When I meet someone who is fuckable, I’m surprised.
Fucking two guys in the same time frame doesn’t work for me, so I decided to stick with Mr California because it was easiest to roll with the familiar, AND most importantly, the guy who I was certain didn’t want a girlfriend and won’t be showing up at my door.
I could school him on the Clit.
Sounds harsh, but I truly don’t want a boyfriend. Though, I’d like everything else that goes along with that. Connection, chemistry, respect for one another, and lots of delicious sex. I want exclusivity as well, just without the traditional catches.
I’m a one-guy-at-a-time kinda girl.
My lover rule is this: While we are fucking it’s exclusive. Unlike a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, you can fuck anyone you want, any time (without my being upset about it, or your being upset about it, if I take a lover) but if you take another lover, you can’t fuck me afterwards. Or maybe ever again.
The fucking of another, ends the fucking of each other.
Does make sense? Great sex, exclusively with each other, but only while it works.
Anyway, there you were making suggestions for us to get together. I don’t know why I said “next time we run into each other we can exchange info”, rather than doing it then. I was tired, those microbrews are strong and I’d started the day at 1:00 with tequila, then moved on to the beer fest.
But before I left you said “why don’t you just give me your number now”.
FYI when you act really excited to see someone, say their name, strike up a conversation for the second time in one evening, repeatedly invite her over, make suggestions for future plans…..and insist on her number….. it tells a girl you’re interested …. in case you didn’t know.
When I got home, I realized I’d given you the ‘no’ vibe. I hadn’t meant to do. But I hadn’t fully decided ‘yes’ yet either. I guess I’m not good with that gray zone. It’s easier to ‘say’ no than to mislead someone.
I texted you the following week. I was heading in your direction for flooring; I could stop in.
One Month Later – Mid September:
I text you, instead of my x-boyfriend (who has the same first name and same last initial), about CDs.
You replied with an invite to your place.
We made a plan.
I came over.
You meet me in the driveway, cool. YES Vibe
You high-fived me when I pulled up,
I hugged you when I got out of the car. It was weak, not a hug from someone who wants to fuck you. NO Vibe
Okay, I can roll with that. Fucking is not required, new friends can be good. In hindsight though, I think it put me in a space of being overly self-conscious, I didn’t want to be flirty with someone who isn’t interested, yet I didn’t want to give you the no vibe again if I was reading the whole thing wrong.
You took me on the tour. I loved tromping around in the dark, especially the greenhouse with fig tree. The tour ended back at my car and I thought ‘okay, well, I read that wrong’ but then you kept walking up to your yurt. YES Vibe
You offered me a beer. YES Vibe
We hung out and talked, looked at the stars. It was nice, but I wasn’t getting THE Vibe.
Then you asked me about my plans for the weekend, said we should hang out again soon. Go get a beer, listen to some music….. YES Vibe, but I wasn’t paying attention.
On the way home, while reflecting on our visit, I realized that I hadn’t given you the yes vibe when you were trying to initiate our next meeting.
So, I texted you that night because I wanted to remember the funny thing you had said (“Verbal judo for combating conversation hogs”) and to give you the YES Vibe.
You replied, and followed up with saying you’d had fun and “let’s do it again soon”. I made sure to say YES definitively. YES Vibe
Two Days Later – Saturday
Since you had mentioned us getting together again, twice, and I failed to give you the yes vibe both times, I decided to invited you to watch my friend Deb play.
We talked about the details, but you never said yes or no. At the end of the day you texted that you were in the canyon for the night, but did I want to get coffee in the morning?
Late Afternoon you texted that you were in the vortex…. and gave a vague “let’s hang at some point” reply. NO Vibe.
I’ve no time for the YoYo. I let it go. Let you go, done. Time to find a more attentive lover.
Two Weeks Later – Saturday:
YOU texted me, asking if I wanted to party with you.
I replied “you know I do”. Thought we were getting somewhere. YES Vibe
An hour before the party you canceled, because your folks had arrived unexpectedly. You asked if I had time later in the week.
I was sorry not to party with you, but it wasn’t the best night for me either, so later in the week seemed great. Still a YES Vibe, but raises my hackles a bit, because it sounds like bullshit
I texted you. Come join me for a fire out back.
You called me “celestial being”, then yoyo-ed, then vortexed;l followed by another vague “drop in sometime this weekend”. NO Vibe.
I told you that celestial beings didn’t crash other people’s vortexes. (Hoping that you’d catch my drift, that I wasn’t going to show up, like some school girl with a crush. You’re not THAT fuckable!)
You called and invited me to meet you at Fahrenheit, but when I replied a short while later you’d go the way of the vortex. In your message you’d also given me a solid invitation up to your place that Sunday. You said you DID want to party with me. YES Vibe.
I came over. We hung out. Your hug hello improved some. We had a nice time. I enjoyed your friends. You’re right Kevin is awesome. At the end of the night we walked back to your yurt. I wanted to spend the night in there, ravaging you, but I didn’t get that vibe at all, so I went home. NO Vibe
YOU texted me. You were driving through, could stop by if I wanted. We hung out, had a nice time. No real vibe, no big chemistry, but some how you were still fuckable.
Now, don’t go getting yourself too inflated about this being fuckable business, but it is highly unusual for me. AND you were a good candidate because you’re leaving town soon, and didn’t seem to be looking for a girlfriend, which is why I put up with the YoYo.
I had just told my X-beau that there was only one fuckable guy in Mancos, and that was his best friend, so yeah, I was basically screwed – or not!
SO, you came over. We hung out, smoked some weed, I massaged you for awhile. I wanted to see if there was any chemistry if we were actually touching.
You had to go.
That night I texted you about my blog, no reply.
I texted you about needing weed
I came over, got some herb. We hung out, drank tequila, smoked herb, and laughed a lot. You enquired about my plans as if you wanted to make some plans.
When we were walking back towards my car, I put my arm through yours. I figured it was a yes vibe, but not a come-on, something I would do freely with any friend.
I was surprised when you pulled your arm out from mine and put it around me instead. You worked on warming me up, very sweet.
At the car there was another hug, but nothing that said yes. NO Vibe
As I was driving away I had an overwhelming urge to turn around. Crawl into bed with you. But alas, I am a coward; not wanting to play the fool.
I invited you to hang out with me in the cottage. You YoYoed.
I decided that enough was enough.
YOU texted saying “I do wanna party…thanks for the invite 🙂 ”
11pm I was just leaving the brewery, and was a little shit-housed, and texted
Good, pony up mofo 😉
Sheeeit…that makes my pussy hurt
Down to parte…will make it happen…just gotta pad up
Aww, no need for padding. I’ll be gentle with you… if you’ll be rough with me 😉
Damn girl…gotta get through my first cup of joe here..you know where to find me
Ha! I’m not that forward though, so you’ll have to find me and take me to the party
We texted about flooring
You texted about weather
Later you rescheduled flooring
You come over and tell me something, which I can’t remember now. You were spewing some bull “that’s what I meant about ‘you know where to find me’”
We did the floor.
You inquired about my weekend plans.
You had to go.
A girl you’ve been spending time with was coming down for the weekend. “We’re going to do it”
I’m glad to know, but this was your best way of telling me?
When you drinking tequila and smoke weed with a girl all night on a Thursday, and then Saturday tell her you DO want to party with her, it implies that your interested in more than tequila a weed. So, what kind of party were you talking about?
This is a small town, and if we’re going to be friends, or at least on truly friendly terms, then you need to hear all this. And I need to say it. You’ll find the only time I’m not straight up is when I’m flustered as to whether or not someone is interested in me; then I’m flustered.
Now I’m not flustered, since you’re no longer fuckable.
You must be aware of what you’re doing; which is uncool.
I mean really, what else were you referring to with “I want to party with you”? Please.
On the off chance you’re oblivious, then I’m here, as your friend, to tell you to Wake the Fuck Up